Assertive listening involves focusing your attention exclusively on the person speaking, without interrupting. It requires accurately hearing the feelings, longings, desires and wishes.
This is essential for mastering assertive style of speaking.
Three Keys to Assertiveness Listening
Prepare Your Emotions
Be Self Aware: Recognize your emotions and the way they affect your thoughts and behavior. This awareness will make it possible for you to control your emotions and manage your self-confidence.
Manage Your Emotions: Control your impulses, feelings, behaviors and reactions.
Manage Your Social Awareness: When we are self centered in our thoughts, we lose awareness of the emotions of others. In addition to focusing on what the other person is saying, watch their body language, facial expressions and gestures. It is not necessary to try to consciously read the person, rather, develop an awareness of their silent communication.
Manage Your Relationships: With everyone we deal with we have a relationship. Strive to maintain a good relationship. Treat everyone with dignity and respect that you want to be treated with.
Prepare Your Thoughts
Give your undivided attention to the person you are listening to.
Listen to their feelings. Ask for clarification with questions about their emotions.
Consider the difference between: What do you think? Vs How does this make you feel? It is essential to look for the feelings.
Acknowledge Their Emotions
Once you know the emotional content of what they are saying, acknowledge it. Just as you acknowledge their feelings, if appropriate, share your feelings.
Being in control of your emotions, you will not say that the other person makes you feel anything..."like you make me mad." Rather, just express what you feel as a result of what is said.
So, think about it and start to understand how you feel as a result of what is being said. What ever you feel, you choose to feel.
This is one of the steps on attaining assertiveness. If you are struggling with a lack of assertiveness, then the above exercise for assertiveness will help.
By using assertive listening you will be in a better position to then combine assertive expression.