I heard this story about eliminating anger programming from our own or the brain of someone else. It is about a man with anger and how his wife was successful in de-programming it out of him. It happened some time ago. It has been fictionalized to protect the guilty from humiliation and embarrassment.
As far as the story goes, you could substitute the word depression or any other negative personality trait for the word anger programming in this true story.
A man was sitting on his couch watching the football game. If you’re a football lover, you will no doubt know the feeling. Then a presidential address interrupted the game. Oh the game went on. And so did the address. In the big scheme of things, the game was probably more important at this moment.
The man was getting more and more upset at the interruption to his favorite pastime, watching the game on TV. That would not have been a problem except for the two little boys sitting next to him. They were his sons. They were being trained to be angry as they grew rather than being tolerant.
They were receiving first hand, the anger programming he had years of practice with.
Parental Example, The Best Way to Teach Children Anger
Get Their Attention...Use the Ctrl-Alt-Delete Button of the Mind
Mom came in to view the scene. Here dad is getting more and more visibly upset. Even worse, at the same time he was imprinting an anger operating system on the blank computer like brains of the two little boys. This was not just anger programming their brains, it was installation of the anger operating system.
It was being imprinted on their minds to be angry. The operating system was to get upset when things, any thing does not go your way. When your ideal life is disrupted by someone or something, you're supposed to get angry.
Not only that, he was teaching in the best possible way to teach a young mind, by his example.
Mom, seeing her life flash before her eyes, imagined the outcomes of her grown up boys. She could see her future daughters in law. She realized she could not allow the little boys to grow up and do to them what her husband was doing to her. She had to put a stop to it and now.
One way to fix a PC computer when it is hung up, you hold down the control, alt and delete buttons. To stop the downloading, change the anger behavior programming and the downloading of the operating system into the boys she used a basic mental programming technique.
She stood between the TV and its captive audience, her husband and her boys. This was important to make sure and break their line of thought. If your PC computer is not responding fast enough, you escape out of the window and shut down unnecessary running programs. The same needs to be done with the human brain when trying to program it.
Likewise if you want to stop an application or the loading of an application and the computer is not working as fast as you like, you escape or control-alt-delete and shut down unnecessary programs that may be running. Mom control-alt-deleted the anger for just a moment by standing in front of Dad and blocking out the TV. She also stopped the loading of the anger operating system on the minds of the boys.
Actually it can work for any situation where you find your self faced by hostility or anger. To explain, consider a different story for just a minute.
This May Save Your Life
True Story. A man went into the office of his lawyer to shoot and kill him. The lawyer lost the man's case. A new case was unfolding in the here and now. Only thing, this was a life and death case, an execution....of the lawyer by the person who was on the losing end of the trial.
The lawyer had the presence of mind to put the breaks on the mental 'job to be done' of the irate gunman client who he had represented. He actually was able to click the control-alt-delete in the gunman’s anger programming. This was a gunman with an agenda, kill his lawyer.
If he was talking to himself the conversation would have gone like this, "First on the agenda, put my lawyer out of my misery. Second, put my self out of my misery."
The lawyer said to the gunman, "Do what ever you have to do but what ever you do, please do not harm your self."
The man killed himself and not the lawyer.
There are a number of implications to what went on here. No the shooter was not dyslexic, getting the order of what he wanted to do backwards. Perhaps you see what happened with the mental processes involved in the decisions made. The Control-alt-delete is indeed a powerful click if you can learn how to use it in the human mind.
I know from the fact your reading this site you will not make a joke of this tragedy. These were fellow participants in the race we call human. It reminds and teaches an important lesson however.
Bottom line, the lawyer hit the Ctrl-alt-delete button within the mind of the shooter. The program requiring shooting the lawyer and the resulting thought process was not executed. It was not possible for the lawyer to care about the shooter in the mind of the shooter. The lawyer needed to feel the pain the shooter was feeling. Perhaps the thought was that living to see the shooter do what he did not want would be the ultimate pain.
Perhaps the presupposition regarding the lawyer not caring, on learning it was incorrect, caused it to be deleted from the agenda. What we do know, the shooter went on to the next program or job to be done within his personal anger programming, since the first was eliminated from the mental log.
Ok, so much for my digression. Now back to mom and her use of the control-alt-delete and eliminating the anger programming in the sons.
Framing it as a Truth
Complimenting Into the Conduct You Want.
Our mom then said what could be construed as the biggest, most bold face lie in her life. In reality, it was framed as a truth.
Before going on, let me say, I do not believe we should lie or deceive to accomplish our goals. Rather than being a lie, she looked for a context it could be truthful within. Her goal was reprogram the anger programming. She addressed the problem within that context as you will see. What did she say?
Standing between her husband and the TV she said, “It’s not like you to lose your temper and get angry like this.” She then went on about her business.
The context she said it within was the one where the husband found himself once making a fool of himself after losing his cool. It was the context where he then had anger at himself for losing his temper. It was where he wanted to change. The place where his anger was directed toward his anger.
Did the Elimination of the Anger Programming Work?
She complimented him into the conduct she wanted to program within him. The context he wanted to live within.
Note she didn't say, can't you stop getting angry. Can’t you learn to control your anger and frustration?
This plays into a second factor related to our gender based operating systems. The biggest challenge women have with men is respect. Loving them is easy. Respect comes more difficult for many because (and I know from experience) of some of the things we men do that make it hard for our wives to respect us.
Which is easier to take. Correction from our wife about lacking self control with our anger or a compliment. If your a woman reading this always remember, men have fragile egos. (I can speak with authority on this subject too because of experience being a man.)
To understand this type of programming, you need to take a brief look at the brain. Every time we have a thought, four volts of electricity goes back and forth within our brain. That electricity travels across special cells called neurons. They don’t physically connect to each other. They have a gap with a chemical transmitter that carries the electric impulse from one cell to the next.
The science she was using to program the anger out of him is called Neural Linguistic Programming or NLP. In addition to anger, any bad habit can be programmed out or good ones in. The more the thought goes across the same neurons, the stronger the thought becomes.
It could be illustrated like the pathways you may have seen where people walk across the grass in the same place. The pathway becomes established from continued walking in the same place. Everyone else walking takes the same route. It is the easiest way to go.
So how do you stop people from walking across the path where you don’t want them to walk? You either make it more difficult to walk that way or you make the other way more pleasurable. Although an over simplification, we either seek pleasure or avoid pain. Tap into one of the two modalities our operating system works on and you will have success.
What was the result with her husbands temper?
It took several months of repeatedly reinforcing the positive message.
She knew she had won the battle when in a restaurant and the waitress was over 40 minutes late getting back to the table. She could see the husband getting more and more upset, even mad. She felt she had two options. Crawl under the table or climb out the women’s restroom window and walk home. A decision needed to be made as the waitress was walking straight toward them.
She opted for the bathroom window. As she was excusing herself from the soon to be embarrassing out-burst of anger, he grabbed her hand and looking her in the eyes, he gently said, “You know, I don’t know why I am getting so upset like this. It’s not like me to lose my temper.”
Well, she knew the anger programming was completely removed and a new operating system was installed. Even better, The anger programming was totally eliminated from the young men in her life. One day she heard the older brother say to the younger, “It’s not like you to take my toys without asking me first.”
Reprogramming is a wonderful and powerful tool we have when we use speech properly.
When Someone Angers You: What You Should Say
Always try to reinforce the positive. Try to make your speech encouraging and up building. Make the goal pleasurable rather than the avoidance of pain.
If you can master this, you will have mastered one of the greatest aspects of the gift of speech we can have.
Learn More About Discipline and Motivation and how you can use your speech to discipline and to motivate at the same time?
This comes from Dan O’Connor. He specializes in dealing with others and the words we use. While we touch on such subjects, our focus is more on mastering public speaking.
That’s interesting...please tell me more.
That’s interesting...please tell me why would you ask that?
That’s interesting...please tell me why would you say that?
That’s interesting...please tell me why would you do that?
This helps prevent you from sticking your foot in your mouth. It makes it possible for you to get your thoughts together. Sometimes it even allows the offending person to think..."Wait, did I say that out loud?"